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Hello there you beautiful beings of the blog-o-sphere!

As I know that many of my audience have struggled or are struggling with mental health and body image issues, I wanted to share a creative writing piece about anorexia,  that was written by an inspiring Danish girl, with whom I came in to contact with a few years ago. (Charlotte has granted me full permission to post this extract, which is sourced from her Tumblr blog).

Imagine yourself in 50 years, if you're even lucky enough to make it that long. 

Your grandchildren are playing in your backyard. They're asking you to come out and play with them, but you're too weak and tired to. Your son asks you to meet his fiance and give her your blessing, but you keep making excuses because you think you are too old, too ugly, too fat and she will do nothing but judge you. Your own marriage is slowly deteriorating because you are too detached from your partner and (s)he is sick of trying to fix things that keep getting broken again and again.

Imagine yourself in 40 years, if you're lucky enough to make it that long,

Your partner comes home from a busy day at work and kisses you on your forehead. (S)he no longer kisses you on your mouth because your teeth and lips are a reminder of the copious amounts of caffeine you consume in attempts to function. Not to mention your breath is a violent reminder of how you refuse to keep even the small amount of food down these days. 

Your kids are always asking you to help them out with homework, but you don't have time because your mind is too busy working out when you are going to allow yourself to eat next, and whether you've walked enough that day. 

Imagine yourself in 30 years, if you're lucky enough to make it that long. 

You're on your way to the supermarket to do the family grocery shop. You pass the confectionery isle, but instead of feeling tempted to grab a cheeky chocolate bar for you or the kids, you just stare up at the numbers, turning your nose up at all the grams of fat, protein, sugar, carbs, salt, and it is all too much for you to bare. You end up in a panic and buy exactly the same things you always get, plus a few of your own safe foods. These include the usual wafer crackers, low fat yogurts and a pathetic selection of dairy and gluten free snacks. Of course, you don't have a dairy intolerance and you aren't allergic to wheat, or gluten, but you'll use any old intolerance to avoid eating it. 

Imagine yourself in 20 years, if you're even lucky enough to make it that long, 

All your friends are getting married and starting to have kids, and you wonder whether you will ever have that life. You receive the tenth invitation to a wedding and decline it yet again for the fear of anyone seeing you and having to have a sit down meal at a public event. 

You had your spell of dating but it interfered with your routine and so you stopped trying a long time ago. You're still working that part-time retail job you got as a 'temporary fix' when you were younger, but now it's all that you can manage. You tell yourself it's still only temporary and that soon it will be the time for change, but it's been 10 years of you telling yourself that.

Imagine yourself in 10 years, if you're even lucky enough to make it that long, 

You made it through college and got your BA honours, and you start to really think about your future, You remember the friends you left behind for your eating disorder and wonder what they are doing,

You spend each day looking at meal plans rather than job applications and wonder whether life will ever be any different...You go on Facebook and see what everyone else is up to, sipping on your 5th mug of black coffee with sweetener, whilst your stomach growling away. You ignore it, click on  another Buzzfeed video on how to make some organic vegan cheesecake (of which you will never eat), and carry on with your usual monotonous routine. 

Imagine yourself in a year, if you're even lucky enough to make it that long. 

You are sick and tired of being sick and tired but there is nothing you can do. 

You have given up, and you feel as though everyone around you has given up too, but you don't blame them. Why would they stick around, your worthless...right? That's what you tell yourself...

Everyone else is moving on, you are still stick where you were years ago, feeling alone and tired.

Every day is another struggle and you can't same to find a way out...but you sort of feel you want to.

Imagine yourself tomorrow...

You have the power to create your future and make it bright,

Start with tomorrow, or even better start right now, start today,

You have a life, an important one, and it would be a colossal mistake for you to never realise that,

If you don't choose recovery, you will never know just how beautiful and exciting life can be,

You have been fighting for so long to hold on to your eating disorder, 

But now my friend, is is time for you to stop fighting and to let that toxic bitch go...

So remember your value, never forget how much life is worth fighting for, and please allow yourself to finally be free. All my love,

Thanks for stopping by! 

*Disclaimer*

If anyone is triggered by this post in any way please to reach out for support, don't hesitate to email me at oliviacharlottealice@gmail.com or leave a comment below. Here are some hotlines below: 

BEAT Helpline 0808 801 0677  Youthline 0808 801 0711

www.b-eat.co.uk

Men get EDs too: www.mengetedstoo.co.uk

Anorexia & Bulimia Care: www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

Overeaters Anonymous: www.oagb.org.uk

Olivia Charlotte Alice

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