Hello there you beautiful beings of the blog-o-sphere!
Today, I'm going to talk a little bit about happiness, what it means to be happy and how we can be happier.
Honestly the simple question 'How can I be happy?' is asked far too frequently by far too many people. It should not be the case that one of the most searched questions on the internet is how to find happiness. The truth is that happiness lies at our fingertips; granted it is far easier for some to experience happiness than others, but it is not impossible to become a happier person. The reality is that 'becoming happy' is not an end goal; it is not a destination, it is something we have to keep working on throughout our lives. The feeling of happiness can be experienced at any moment for any reason. Happiness comes and goes, in the same way that sadness, anger, frustration and worry enters and exits our life. I don't believe in telling people 'how to be happy' because there is no set method or set of rules which can make you happy forever. I can, however, try to share some advice and tips that I use and believe in, that will hopefully help you work towards creating a happier life and mind set for yourself which you can keep working on regularly.
Firstly I would say that I am not an expert and I am in no way a model for
'finding true happiness' and it is something I am working on myself each and
every day. What I do know or have been told, is that increasing your confidence
and having more faith in yourself will help to raise your mood. If you stop
constantly worrying about other people’s opinions of yourself and stop reading
too deeply into someone's expressions, you will start to feel less insecure and
feel more able to be yourself. It simply does not matter how that person in the
dining hall looked at you- if they were being rude or careless
you shouldn't pay attention to them. So stop giving a
f**k about what other people think of you or tell you to do. Do you know who is
in charge of your life? You. You are in charge. You get to make the choices.
You are the one who has to deal with the consequences so make sure the choices
you make in life are going to benefit you.
This may sound odd,
but one piece of advice I have been given, is to forget to be
sad/angry/fearful. Take my word for it: wallowing in sadness or anger or
any other emotions leading to unhappiness, is a lot of effort and
takes a lot of energy out of you. Especially if you can hold a grudge, it’s
literally exhausting. The saddest people in this world are the ones who
spend hours reliving all the injustice cast upon them and replaying all the
cruel things people have said and reminding themselves of all the bad luck
thrust upon them. For the love of god, please try to allow yourself to forget
it, forget all about it and just let it go. Now I want to make it clear that I
am not saying you should never allow yourself to feel your true emotions,
because at the end of the day, life is not about denying yourself of bad
emotions, because they are as real as anything else and sometimes you just need
to cry and feel every emotion and let it all out. I don't think
that happiness is the absence of sadness; I believe that happiness stems from
conquering the overwhelming feelings in your life over and over again and being
able to feel them but not letting those feelings destroy or debilitate
you. Throughout my life I have found it extremely hard to let everything
go, and let's face it I still do. Ever since we were kids, my sister has always
been the peacemaker; whenever we would fight, I would get offended and upset
and hold a grudge but it was over the next day because my sister would always
forget we were mad at each other and say “Want to watch a film?” and then a few
minutes later I would smile and agree. Of course later I would think “Damn it,
I was supposed to be angry at her” but really what is the point? If you don't
let the little things go, how are you ever meant to cope when you get older. I
am trying to follow in my younger sister's footsteps and just breathe, move on
and forget. There are so many forces in the world conspiring against your
happiness, so whatever you do, don't make yourself be the biggest one of them
all. Refuse to be sad or angry, just cross your arms and outright refuse. It is
all pointless, all of it. Holding a grudge is tiring and at the end of the day
where does it get you? The outcome of holding a grudge is never going
to be productive or positive.
Be self-caring not
self-centered. I am a strong believer in practising self love, thinking
about yourself and doing things for yourself. Life is about identifying the
things that will bring you happiness and then actively pursuing them- that is
self care/love. Being self-centered, on the other hand, is about identifying
and actively pursuing these things and not thinking about others in the
process. Happiness isn't achieved by thinking about yourself and only
yourself. It is about being kind to yourself as well as others around you. In
fact one of the things that brings me happiness is when I compliment someone
and they smile and it is clear that I have made a positive impact on their day.
I know it sounds weird, but by complimenting someone or simply making someone
smile it makes your heart feel warmer. Watch how they smile; notice how they
laugh and realise that you made that happen. Keep doing and saying nice things
to people. Let yourself relax and enjoy the little things in
life. Stop focusing on what you don’t have or don’t like. Now I know this
is easier said than done and we all have our moments where we like to complain
and whine and say that life is unfair, but it really is important to focus on
what you do have and do like in life. Seriously if you are feeling low,
even scrolling through instagram tags of cute animals and babies can keep you
entertained for hours (don't you get all judgy eyes on me, you know we've all
done it). If you are having a bad body image day, go to your mirror and look at
yourself and for every negative thought that pops into your head- counteract it
with a positive one and then say it out loud.
Find the fun in the
silly things. I know that one of the commandments of being young is to
find everything lame and boring and hugely embarrassing, but believe me
when I say this: having a dance with your parents at a family party or
singing along to the Mamma Mia soundtrack on the karaoke machine at a
pub, is a hell of a lot more fun than sitting in the corner, rolling your
eyes and burning up with embarrassment. At the end of the day, why are you
really hating on boybands and dismissing vegans and bashing disney movies? It
boils down to insecurities and the feeling of being judged by others that you
deem 'cooler' than you. So others aren't a big fan of reading or baking or
whatever else it is that you like doing- who cares? If you like doing those
things and it brings you joy- then absolutely 100% do it !!! Do not let others
stop you from pursuing your interests and passions. Life is too short to be
limited by a group of high school social climbers who you will probably never
see again when you leave. Learn to laugh at yourself, being able to have a
sense of humour and tease yourself is important; it is good to be able to have
light hearted moments and not be serious all of the time. Loosen up and just be
a goof once in a while. Everyone is a little weird in their own wonderful
way. Remember that happiness is in your hands. If you don't like your
hair? Cut it. If there is someone in your life who makes you feel really low?
Drop them- you need to surround yourself with sunrays, not thunderclouds. Want
to start a new hobby? Go do it. Life won’t wait for you, you have to reach out
and grab every opportunity. Once you do it, you will never stop wondering about
why you didn’t do it sooner- trust me. Do whatever you f***ing want. We’re all
on this planet for a reason and that’s to go on our own individual journeys. If
you want something to happen in your life, you have to be proactive. You can
have goals and set out plans and have aspirations but you also need to take the
necessary actions to work around or through any obstacles that come your way.
Be prepared but also be flexible as things will be thrown at you and you need
to be ready to deal with them.
Abandon perfectionism-
if you are someone who is constantly striving for perfectionism, you are never
going to be as happy as you could be. Try to accept the mistakes you make and
realise that life is full of mess ups and we need them in order to learn and
grow. When you finally embrace the imperfections, you can live your life
embracing whatever comes your way and you will have a weight lifted off from
your shoulders and will feel a lot more free. Don’t let the problems that
seem to consume your life be an excuse for not getting what you want. If you
have a persistent problem, go and talk to a professional or someone that you
trust (and who supports you). Sometimes it’s hard to be open, but in order to
live a happy life, we not only have to be honest to ourselves, but we have to
be honest with others. When we are honest, we end up caring for ourselves in
the best possible way. Pick one small problem or issue that has been
bugging you and take actions towards resolving it. Try to tackle one issue at a
time. The issue may be as small as having trouble completing an assignment for
work or school, but whatever it is, take the time to address it. By taking
control of our issues one at a time, we take away an incredible amount of
unnecessary stress that we didn't even realise we had.
Put your own
deepest needs first. Don't live for others before yourself or push your own
needs aside, as eventually you will crumble in some way - it is dangerous as if
something happened to the person you are living for, the next thought you would
most likely have would be 'what is my point in life now?' Know that it’s okay
to say no sometimes, and take time away for yourself. Sometimes your choices
may disappoint or offend others, but that is okay.It is sometimes necessary to
be selfish in order to grow and live in your own way. The people who love you,
want the best for you and they will accept and support you no matter
what. Be aware of the amount of goodness you have in your life and think
about the good things and good people that surround you. Be grateful for them
and be grateful for the things you have in this very moment. Who knows what can
change? That’s why it is so important to appreciate things in the moment as
they happen as you never know at what point these things could be taken away
from you. Remember that happiness begins with you; it is your mind that
you have to live with so fill it with positivity. Figure out what makes
you happy and do those things! To a large extent, being happy is your
choice. If you want to be happy, you can be! Embrace change and
growth. Everyone knows the excitement which comes up when something new is
happening. Be more curious and try out new things, do something different and
switch up your daily routine! Be in the moment and be weary that happiness
is not something we can predict. You cannot keep thinking 'I will be happy
when...' because you cannot predict what will happen. These thoughts are just
excuses which will hold you back from feeling happiness right now. It is
so important to be surrounded by positive people, therefore it is obvious that
letting go toxic relationships is necessary in order to relieve the mind and
body from mental and physical pain which may have been caused by these
relationships. There are several reasons why we keep staying in these
relationships, it could be down to fear of change, loss of individuality, it
could even be down to habit. If a friendship or relationship of any kind is
making your mood lower, try to sit back and think of the reasons as to why this
might be. Remind yourself of Shirley Maclaine's words, 'The most profound
relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves'.
One idea/theory/belief I have been noticing a lot recently is that of the Law
of Attraction. Following this belief you could say that sharing happiness with
others brings you closer to being happier as if you
put positive energy out there in the universe, the universe will pull
positive people into your life and lead you towards positive energy and so
on and so on. The Law of Attraction basically means that positive attracts
positive and negative attracts negative. If you think positively, good
things will happen because the law of attraction pulls positive and
ambitious people into your life which help and remind you of your goals. “All
we are is the result of all we have thought” - Buddha
Go
out there and start making changes. Start doing things for YOU and SMILE :)
I
hope these nuggets of advice help you in some way and please do let me know
what you think and share your thoughts with me either on
twitter @Olivia_CA95 or leave a comment down below. All the positive
energy being sent your way!
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
-
Olivia Charlotte Alice
xXx
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Thank you for reading ! Xx